A Russian soldier is heard telling his wife in a phone call "I sleep with a grenade under my pillow" incase he needs to blow himself up.
He explains that he is terrified of being captured and would have to serve 18 years in prison if so.
The soldier also recalls a "very scary" situation in which he was fired on by fellow Russians fighting Vladimir Putin's war in Ukraine.
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In a translation of the call, posted to Twitter by the @wartranslated account, the woman asks: "How's the situation in general, honey? Is it calm, or not?"
He replies: "It's scary s*** when a tank is coming towards you. It's very, very scary. And when you get under sniper [fire], it's also scary s***.
"It whistles over your head, you've no idea where from, it fires from god knows where."
The soldier goes on to explain how he came to be fighting against his Russian comrades.
"We went to a position when [enemy] tanks moved towards us," he says.
"We went with an RPG to fire at the tank and the sniper started shooting at us.
"And then when the sniper finished, our own began shooting at us.
"They began shooting at us, and we began shooting at them, but then realised they were ours."
The conversation then takes a harrowing turn as the Russian soldier discusses preparing for his own suicide.
He says: "It's scary s***, when we were being fired at, I prepared a grenade to put it under myself if something happens, you see. Because getting captured is a hell of a thing.
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"I sleep with a grenade under my pillow."
The woman asks: "What are you thinking? What does it mean, sleeping [with a grenade], are you going to blow yourself up?"
He replies: "Well, if I get an injury, or something else, there won't be anyone to get me out. Do you not remember I have 18 years [to serve in prison] in Ukraine.
"What then? Should I sit in prison all my life?"
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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